if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
