I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
