How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
