I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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