Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
