I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
