no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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