did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
