Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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