Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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