I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
