so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
are you so shy because you have an std?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
