Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Less talking, more tequila
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
