I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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