my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
