her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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