I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
50% drunk capacity currently
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
