Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
