I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
this hospital has no fireball
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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