It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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