My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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