There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
