Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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