She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
