We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
