Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
