i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
