if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
