Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
as a side note pls kill me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
