I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
