I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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