You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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