look no pants
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
