I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
