Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
