The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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