he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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