and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
