The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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