wat bout pragnant strippers??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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