I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
