apparently the secret to your success is patron
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
