I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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