apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
how drunk are you?
Several
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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