Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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