You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
