i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
