Betty ford says i'm here all night
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
