if you like me you must not know who I am
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
