Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
